


Wallflower

by nakadoo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, OT4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 08:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakadoo/pseuds/nakadoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are boring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wallflower

You are boring.

You became acutely aware of this at some point during your life and for a while, you didn’t actually mind. You didn’t mind being the wallflower or _“that kid.”_ It was nice that people didn’t notice that it was actually you who broke your brother’s favorite vinyl record. He never blamed you, because you’re boring. You wouldn’t dare touch his things, because that wouldn’t be you.

You don’t really know when you started to care as well.

Maybe it was when you met her: the light of your life, your reason for living. Well, at least she was those things for a while.

Her name is Feferi Peixes and you have never been so in love with someone in your whole life. You were only eight when you had decided that she would be your wife and you’d have at least three kids.

You were only her best friend though.

When she moved away, she gave you a parting gift. A ring. A ring that was much too big for your bony, knobby fingers at the time because she didn’t know how to buy rings.

_"But it was so, so you! I just had to get it!"_

She was so excited; she was the one who put it on your finger before you could react.

You felt like it was a promise. Like she was saying that, in the whole scheme of things, no matter what happened, you two would be together forever. And with that, you didn’t cry when she left. Quite the contrary, you felt like your heart could burst. You’re a part of her life and she a part of yours. You thought that maybe this is what it meant to find your soul mate.

Of course it hurt, a whole lot, when she called you up one day (actually it was night and time zones really made you angry) and she sounded so happy and said _"Erifish! This is my boyfriend!"_

You heard his voice, but you didn’t bother to listen to him. You just _”hmmmed”_ and _”ahhed”_ and said _”sorry it’s like three fuckin’ am an I gotta sleep but it was nice talkin' to you.”_

But of course you didn’t sleep.

Half of you screamed with joy. She was happy. You were the first person she called to tell you the news. She thought of _you_ first when something important happened in her life.

Half of you wailed in agony. Your dreams are crushed. Your soul mate destined for another.

Such is the fate you are entitled to. Sometimes you wish you read less Shakespeare and happier things.

You fall into the wonderful world of magic.

Harry Potter had quickly become a huge part of your life. You and Cronus played duels a lot, even though you were both Slytherin.

It was fun, while it lasted.

Cronus started to grow up and you felt, that if you didn’t too, he'd leave you behind, just as she had. So you hang up your cape and say good-bye to the magic. You're grown up now.

She doesn’t call you as much as she used to (but that’s okay) and Cro is a little more distant everyday (you caught him smoking and he said he'd kill you if you told dad).

You don’t like being boring.

You remember when you were with her, you felt so alive. Everything was bright. Colors seemed livelier with her around. But now, no, the world is dull and gray and almost unbearable.

You meet a girl named Aradia on your way home one day, and she’s sitting there in the old graveyard that the other kids used to 'I dare you to stay a night over'.

She and you make eye contact and something about her pulls you in. She is dark and morbid and talks about death like its nothing to be afraid of.

In retrospect, it’s not. You fear of what comes after and what you leave behind.

Or rather, if you leave anything at all.

You hang out with her a lot more, and you actually camp out in the graveyard (it’s not scary at all).

You tell her that you’re scared that no one will remember you, like an ant killed by poison or something. Just insignificant and unremembered, like you never existed at all.

She says fear is normal when you don’t understand or don’t know what’s going to happen. She says you have to accept that or else you’ll never feel alive.

You accept that there are things you don’t understand and you might never understand but that’s fine. However, you don’t want to be a wallflower anymore.

When you dye your hair violet, just down the middle, she says you look adorable and colorful and you should probably smile more. Your dad screams at you until you reason with him that _”it’s just hair it will grow back it’s not your hair dad so get off my back.”_

Sometimes you love your dad for being so understanding. He said _”do whatever you like, just don’t fucking smoke or do drugs or get drunk. Get good grades. That’s all.”_

_”I’ve been doin' that all my life dad, holy shit.”_

He grounds you for two weeks, but only because you were being sassy.

Aradia, decides she wants to do something too. She paints her nails, her lips black and she wears spikes and boots and the two of you become the new bad duo of the school. You don’t mind, you have fun with her.

People actually think the two of you are Satanist. It’s really funny, really.

One day, over at her house, she shows you her grandmothers Ouija board and says _”let’s do it”_ and you’ve heard of rumors of talking to the dead going painfully wrong but she says she knows what she’s doing and well, fuck, what’s life without a little risk?

The two of you, and you still don’t believe it, actually talked to someone who was dead. Someone, who says they see the two of you hanging around the graveyard. Sweet old lady, she was, saying that it was nice to see the young people talking to the dearly departed (Aradia convinced you to talk to them, and the two of you like to sit in front of graves and talk like there’s a third or fourth person with you).

You forget that you’re scared of being forgotten. All that matters is feeling alive right now.

The two of you hook up.

Everything is the same, aside from the make outs and fooling around.

Though the two of you realize you’re just really friends and break it off after the first month. You still love her dearly and she loves you too. She said so. And so did you.

When Feferi comes back after a long while, you are already working part time jobs in the morning and having classes in the afternoon. You are college, your best friend now is Aradia Megido.

Feferi is happy to see you. Even happier that you still have the ring she gave you.

You are happy to see her too, she looks so beautiful.

You internally wince, her boyfriend is there.

His name is Sollux Captor and he was the guy you spoke to on the phone years ago at three AM. You can recognize the lisp.

She urges you to go out with them and have dinner and you said you didn’t want to impose but she insisted and insisted and you forgot that it’s hard to say no to her. You drag Aradia with you because, fuck, you don’t want to be alone.

As fate would have it, Aradia and Sollux used to date. Actually, they were best friends until Sollux had to leave for his school abroad. What a small world.

The four of you actually have a whole shit ton of fun and you have never felt so alive. After dinner, you watched a movie. After the movie, you bought some drinks and headed for this river that was a good hour or so drive away from town. You all drank and holy hell you actually went skinny-dipping. Who the hell even still does that?

You are so hung over the next day, you skip class.

Its year’s later, well, not so many years later, you come back to your apartment, tired and lay on the couch.

Sollux is in the kitchen either cooking or looking for a flier for takeout (the lazy asshole).

Aradia is on her laptop and hooking it up to the T.V. You’re guessing its scary movie night. It’s always scary movie night when it’s Aradia choosing the movies.

Feferi just came out of the bedroom with fluffy pillows and the blankets.

You don’t care about being forgotten, because you know you won’t be when you have people who love you. You are happy because you have the people you care most about around you. You are happy because four pieces have met to make a whole.

You don’t mind being boring.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this planning for sadstuck but then i made myself happy by OT4  
> also, i apologize for unorganized writing but I'm too lazy at the moment to care.  
>  **edit** : fixed it


End file.
